The Cookie Dream

Last night I had one of the strangest dreams I have had in a while. Let me begin by telling you a bit of background. My ex and I were never right from the start. He used me and abused me seven ways to Sunday. Including having me as his back up girlfriend when he had a girlfriend in the public eye. Totally horrible situation and it ended very abruptly. I actually finally cut ties with the guy the same weekend that I met my wonderful future husband. All in all it was not ideal and I never totally dealt with the way he treated me.

Well every once in a while he pops up in a dream. Last night my dream went like this. I had made my famous chocolate chip cookie bars that I love to make and had just pulled them out of the oven. WF came in and lovingly took a slice from the end of the casserole dish the way you are supposed to cut into it and told me he loved me and left. Ex BF comes in and starts his normal ways of schmoozing me and flirting with me. I felt guilty for appeasing him but told him he could have a cookie bar if he wanted one. He proceeded to cut into the dish right in the middle. Taking a huge piece out (which we all know the middle cookies are the best part) and chomping away. For some reason (who knows why really) I told him it would taste better if he poured hot coffee on the cookie while he ate it but not to let it get cold because then it would be gross. He then took the whole pot of coffee and poured it all the rest of the cookies, ruining them for me and for but most of all for WF. I was so upset because WF just took his part and loved it and did not mess with the rest, saving it for later. WTF is that? He then sat there and acted like nothing wrong. I yelled at him and told him he ruined everything and he just continued to sit there like he did nothing.

I told WF about this dream because I felt so guilty about having it. He then started to analyze it. He came up with the idea that I think the EX BF ruins everything and if I ever let him back into my life I would be opening myself up to that. I came to the conclusion that I am the cookie. WF just took part and respected the rest and loved it. The EX BF took the best part of it and ruined it for WF. I am always effed up, and he did this to me.

What do you think ladies?

Wedding Nightmare

So I have yet again had another wedding nightmare. This one was about my wedding dress.

A little background information. I have picked out the most wonderful dress in the world and I love it. I can't wait to wear it on my wedding day. But as all of you brides out there know you inevitably have second thoughts or just little glimpses of fear that you will end up hating it. I bought my dress over a year before my wedding and I knew when I bought it that I was going to have these little panic attacks. But I went ahead and bought it anyway because well it was on sale and I am cheap.

Anyway, so I had this dream that I went to pick up the dress from the dress shop and it was in a black plastic bag. I did not bother to look at the dress. I put on the dress the day of my wedding and did not pay too much attention to it (for some unknown ridiculous reason) and walked down the isle. As I was saying my vows I asked my future husband if he thought I looked sexy. His response was you are always beautiful but I did think you would pick something better than a moo moo for this occasion. I look down and the dress shop had given me the entirely wrong dress! The worst part was all of my pictures were in this horrible looking dress. I was so upset that I left the reception and yelled at the dress people, who insisted I picked out that piece of crap! I was furious. I then ended the night wearing sweatpants and sitting in my room alone. It was horrible. I guess this is my minds way of getting me back for being super judgy about other people's ugly dresses.

This is close to what I had on in the wedding of my nightmare:
I dont know if I can take this for another year.

Panic

So as you know WF and I picked a place for the wedding. We are doing it at the Stephen F Austin hotel downtown. If I have to do my wedding at a hotel this is the place to do it. Still very Austin still very Texas. I think I can still do rustic classic but in a setting that makes everyone happy, and I feel really good about this. But I had a nightmare last night about it and I am sure it is not going to be the last.

I had a dream that everyone coming to my wedding thought it was "ghetto" and dirty and not creative. People kept laughing at me and my wedding. They hated it and left early. This is totally normal right? I mean all brides worry about this type of stuff.

I don't want to have a typical ballroom wedding. I want it still to feel homey and welcoming and I want people to know my wedding took place in Austin. Do you know what I am talking about? Oh god I don't know if I can deal with this for a year.